Just acquired an “eastbound and down” mullet hat… Thia is the greatest day of my life.
Dude if you’re going to be paying in nickels… You do NOT have to be the 1st guy on the bus at your stop…. Don’t worry we’ll all wait… … …
A JetBlue flight attendant blew his top, grabbed a beer and bolted out an emergency slide at Kennedy Airport on Monday - then headed home to have sex with his boyfriend.
Forgot my ipod at home. People see this as an opportunity to try to speak to me on the bus…. I hate it.
Customer Service at the Chicago Transit Authority
Why is the Chicago Transit Authority so hell-bent on employing people with bad attitudes in their customer service department? I realize that it is the duty of all major cities to frustrate people as much as possible with their public transportation options, but why employ people that are so unhappy with their lives that you can ACTUALLY hear it in their voice? The other day I had to square away a problem with my CTA card, I was greeted with the most depressing sounding woman I have ever spoken to. I then tried to cheer her up with some lighthearted banter but to no avail. If I were to picture the environment of this call center it would look something like this….
1. Man with whip or perhaps a whiffleball bat in case a worker fails to answer the phone by the 43rd ring.
2. Cubicles made out of dead puppies.
3. The sound of babies crying in the background or “Rock Lobster” by the b-52’s being pumped throughout the work area at all times.
4. Pictures of Castro and Kruschev required to be up in every persons cube.
5. Internet, but the only site that is accessible would be one that liked people DIRECTLY to picures of “successories.”
6. Buckets next to their desks for bathroom breaks.
7. Guard dogs roaming the halls that have not eaten in weeks, but have an affinity for human flesh.
Pretty much the worst environment imaginable.
This is the only way to explain how these people would hate their lives so much that driving a BUS in a major metropolitan area in rush-hour would make them LESS miserable.
I meant PLAY BALL!
An Open Letter to Subway Restaurants
I understand that in today’s ever changing and brutal corporate environment that it is necessary to trim the proverbial fat and cut whatever costs you can to maximize shareholder’s wealth, but when do we draw the line? I asked for a 6” tuna sando, not too much to ask for in my opinion. First off, the sandwich bread could be used to calibrate english instruments as it was EXACTLY 6 inches in length. Secondly, the amount of tuna left something to be desired. They give me these two perfectly rounded scoops of tuna that covers approx 2/3 of the sandwich, which as we determined earlier is exactly 4 inches. I am not looking to bite into the sandwich and have tuna shoot out of both sides as there is too much tuna, not enough bread, but the tuna to bread ratio on the paper thin layer was not quite as satisfying as I had hoped. In their defense, they should want to give you more tuna as their tuna salad is delicious. Item number 3: they are stingy with the toppings. How much does lettuce cost, seriously? Can I get a little more perhaps? Is it possible to cover the sandwich with anything? Even when I ask them “hey can I have a little more lettuce,” they grace the sandwich with 3 more shreds. We all know that we need to make up for a 2 inch space because of a lack of tuna with the .038 ounce melon baller you call a tuna scoop. Lastly they were even stingy with the napkins, I got one napkin per 6” sando. I tend to be a messy eater, so I usually need a couple extra. When I asked if I could have a “few” extra napkins, I got one.
Damn you Subway. I like your product, but you make it difficult to return as often as I would like due to your stinginess.
FYL. Mine’s not all that bad…
Rockband Guitarist for Hire:
As a player with extraordinary skills in the musical/rhythm game genre I would like to offer my services to those in need in the Rockband/Guitar Hero community. I need to find a way to earn money while playing Rockband and Guitar Hero, compensation is negotiable. For example, if the Senate Seat in Illinois were still available I would accept rather than monetary compensation.
"If you are good at something, never do it for free" -the Joker
With that being said I am going to post a for hire ad on Craigslist. Something to this effect…
Rockband Guitarist/Drummer for Hire:
Ability to finish in the 92%-96% on Expert Level. (Metallica excluded)
Will achieve a 5 star rating on every song.
Team player who will sacrifice his “overdrive” ability to save a band-mate.
As an accomplished member of the band OJ and the Knives as well as Boomer and the Pinheads, Jeff has really come into his own with the guitar controller and really found a style that suits him. Jeff also has a pinache for showmanship, while this does not translate well in online play, in a competitive setting there is really no one better at winning over the crowd than Jeff. No stranger to the whammy-bar, Jeff does not overuse the bar which almost leaves you wanting more. Jeff’s consistent use of the effects on the guitar controller keep the listener engaged in the song as well as entertained.
"His guitar solo gave me ’More than a Feeling.’" -Brian J. Twar.
"Jeff brought our band to the next level. Without his sick shredding we could have never become "Internationally known on the microphone" -Boomer, lead singer of Boomer and the Pinheads
"I feel as though I have been shot through the heart and Jeff’s to blame" -Jonathan Kress
"When I hit the strings, I hit them hard, Anyway you want it, that’s the way you get it and when its over you’re changed." -Jeff, on himself…(repeatedly.)
(more references available upon request)